So happy ^^

Finn and I = 1 year today

I love him so much <3

Biology

These past few weeks I've been trolling through the annual coursework for Biology. I can't stand anything that's repetetive, call it a pet peeve of mine if you will. Anyway, this coursework demands that you justify why you're doing everything, but because I've already explained it all in my introduction, I have to write it all out again. Hand writing it out mind. I can understand coursework perhaps preparing you for research or something, but it seems like an awful lot of work for not many marks, and it doesn't interest me in the slightest. Anyway :)

I've always loved 'biology' - I put this in inverted commas because it's sort of a loose term. Let me explain.

I often get from people 'how can you like biology? it's so boring' which yes, I can understand perfectly well - you don't blow things up in biology, nor do you seem to ever have to explain something so abstract and complex that your head drops off thinking about it. I'll admit that there hasn't been a lesson in which I myself have been sitting there thinking 'god this is so boring' - I'd say that perhaps 5 out of 4 lessons of biology are boring.

The most fun other people seem to glean from the subject is 'cutting animals and stuff up' aka 'dissection'. I wouldn't say I dislike dissection, I do, but I never really learnt much from it save from that you get to see what organs and stuff feel like, and look like. You can't tell how they work from hacking it to pieces. Anyway, I was explaining what appealed to me...

The fact is, they never teach you the interesting parts of biology, or... they never go into enough detail about the few snippets that catch my attention in lessons. When learning about the nervous system for example, we did a measly five minutes on animal behavior - I'm sure people would have found that far more interesting than synapses and reflexes etc (retold in exactly the same amount of detail we had at GCSE). We did photosynthesis to death five times over amen jesus christ, but we haven't once touched upon the evolution of a pentadactyl limb. If I wrote the syllabus, everyone would take this subject :D

That's another thing, that I mentioned before - this subject is such a joke. I don't feel I'm learning anything new (perhaps it's due to the fact I read too much), we did it all at GCSE. I could probably go into detail about how the kidney works even though we haven't covered it yet in class, and I'll bet it's exactly what we need to know. *le sigh* Every other subject does new and exciting things - why doesn't Biology?

Anyway, for your interest and amusement, here are some things I think you should go read about. It's good, interesting biology;

http://hometown.aol.com/darwinpage/equid2t.gif Evolution of the horse (pretty picture!)

http://www.edwardtbabinski.us/whales/whales-graph.jpg Evolution of the whale (pretty picture!)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shark Go read about sharks 'yo.

http://webexhibits.org/causesofcolor/2.html#vissamp Ever wondered what the world looks like to colourblind people? Also on 'other' click the 'animal' link. Very interesting reading.

There I feel I may have enriched some people's knowledge.

I have more

When I thought it just couldn't get any worse

Well, we all know how bad it was when the leak started.

When we got home, mum was there to see that we were ok, but she started talking about plasterers and fair enough blahdeblah we had to know what was going on. Then she left, and she obviously wanted to tell us something else but she was being really annoying by saying 'oh you'll find out sooner or later'.

Half an hour later, Craig and mum come back, and we were subjected to being manhandled by that awful man who I have been informed 'cares about us', but I don't really give a damn. My patience wears thin when I am forced to kiss and cuddle him like I'm his own daughter. His breath smells like vomit and he has this constant long stubble that bloody well hurts. Moreso he asks me things five times over and no matter how enthusiastically I answer, I will be asked the same question again. And again. And again. It's infuriating. Because mother as usual was making no sense whatsoever, I got a glare and was dragged into the lounge for a little 'talk' (which involved me having to sit down, with Craig... well. Pulled into a 'hug' more like) The conversation went something like this, complete with Craigspeak:

(yes I completely nicked dad's way of portraying conversation - sorry ^^)

"Ya mum's 'ad it completely up t'ere with all this sh-i-te that's been goin' on in this house"
(really? what all the shit that happens when she's not here? Gosh it must be so terrible for her, having to cope with this while she's in that pub, drinking the night away and being social... terrible, how does she ever cope?)
"So a think it's time y' started 'elping 'er a bit, 'cos av been gettin' it in the neck all weekend..."
"Yeah ok. Sure."
"Yeah a think y' should start 'elping 'her a bit - will yer start 'elping 'er?"
"Yes."
"If y'ever need t talk about anythin' y can talk t' me."
"Thanks."
"If y'ever need t talk about anythin' y can talk t' me."
"Thankyou."
"Right."

This pissed me off. I'd been the one who had been coping with that leak all weekend. Oh noes, she's had to call the workers in and she's going to have to buy a new carpet. How extremely taxing on her poor little self. How could I have helped with that anyway? Did she expect me to do it for her? And how would 'emptying the dishwasher, taking the dog out, making dinner and cleaning my own clothes' have helped the leaking ceiling? I did those anyway btw :) but... all I have done to help already didn't seem to do anything, so... what did she expect me to do? Obviously I got it wrong. Again. Lol!

Anyway, I found out she'd got Craig to ask us to clean up after the plasterers. I'm guessing that this is because she can't summon up the energy to do it herself because she's 'too tired'. Oh diddums is tired? Oh dear - spent all night in the pub and didn't get to sleep until whenever? so yes, poor mother will be fucking tired.

Don't get me wrong, I would have gladly helped if she'd just asked me herself. Nicely, without having to
1) do it through someone else
2) talk about be behind my back (this is another story for another time)

I guess since Dad already knows how bad it is here, and that he already wants us to go live there, it doesn't matter that I actually recount some of the stuff that goes on. This is just once incident that really hacked me off.

A little look inside my head.

So, if you'd rather not know, don't read it. (yes this is a warning that I'm going to actually write some of the things I've been subjected to) But I guess this is sort of an explanation for things. I can't really say this out loud to anyone, and typing is the easiest medium for me to share my feelings. This is going to be a lot of writing. And it's not exactly happy either.

I've realised (not very recently either) that I really need someone to talk to, I mean, to share my problems with. I guess a certain person (or people) reading this might think 'hey! you're welcome to talk to me any time you want - I'll listen! I'm an excellent listener! Why can't you let me be your listener person? Am I not good enough? I'm offended...' etc. Please don't be offended by this, I mean seriously don't. I hadn't finished what I was going to say :) here comes the other side to the problem.

I also realised I can't stop this immense guilt preventing me from telling people what bothers me. When someone listens to problems I have, afterwards I don't feel any better, I usually just feel worse. This is for two reasons:

1) I hate burdening people with my problems, everyone has problems. Who would possibly want more? One side to my guilt is that I wouldn't want anyone to worry about my problems in addition to their own, I couldn't bear to make someone unhappy because they are worried about me.

2) If the problem concerns said person, I could never tell them, unless it got so that it was driving me insane from being constantly on my mind, i.e. if I was on the brink of tears because problem x was troubling me so much. This is because I would feel like telling someone that some part of what they do upset me in some way would in turn upset them, and I can't make anyone feel bad about something. Again with the guilt.

I know what has led me to get into this state. It's been a combination of factors. For years I have been everyone else's agony aunt, and perhaps it should have been the other way around. I know for a fact that some relationships were purely on the basis of 'I offload all my crap onto you Natalie, I feel better for it. It's a win win situation' i.e. in retrospect I have been completely taken advantage of and used, until my use has worn out and I have been simply discarded. This is not an understatement. I can name at least 2 cases where I cannot justify being on amiable terms with someone for any other reason than for the one I just stated.

I can understand that with my family, things have been difficult, least of all for my Mum who yes, looked after us. I can't expect to have been shielded from all the troubles that were going on 'behind the scenes' - I was growing up, I had to get used to the fact that life was not some jolly trip. Perhaps she has serious problems that should have been looked at or something, and I know it's a good thing that parents and children talk through problems.

Talking to her way into the night I have to admit, at the time made me feel closer to her, and made the whole situation feel a little less lonely. I felt good in myself for helping her cope with what she was having to deal with, but after a time when I was the one having to sort out all her problems it got a little wearying. (Think about it - I was only 13) I was the one having to listen to every horrible thing that went wrong in our lives and having to sort it out... at least in the emotional sense. You have no idea the number of sleepless nights I had as a young teenager, worrying about what was going to happen to all of us, if we were going to be alright. When mum insisted she wanted a night out, away from the house I was yelled and screamed at for simply wanting a little bit of security - asking her to stay so that I felt a little safer was out of the question. So instead I used to lie awake, unable to sleep until I heard her come home. Everyone had to be in the house before I could sleep, and until they were I used to lie awake thinking of all the possible, terrible things that could have happened to my mum to make her not be home yet. Most of them involved her drinking too much and... y'know crashing the car. Imagining your parent in that state is enough to keep any young girl awake.

So alright, I listened to her problems and we talked about things. She went out on occasion and that made me worry something bad was going to happen. Doesn't sound too bad does it? But the thing was, if I had a problem, every time I'd try to tell her about it I'd get completely ignored. Rebuffed; none of my problems were as near the scale and magnitude of hers. If I had a problem, she have five, larger ones that she'd immediately go on to tell me about in detail, six times over. I don't exaggerate - I'd be kept up until the wee hours listening and talking through her problems, when all that could have started this might have been 'mum, I didn't have such a good day at school today' - talking about my problems only doomed me to a late night of sorting out hers.

Even when it got too much for me to cope with, and I eventually came to her in floods of tears, desperately needing to talk, or simply to cuddle, I'd get told to 'go to your room and cry it away - you'll see that it's not so big a deal Natalie'.

So if I couldn't go talk to my mum about my problems, why didn't I just go and talk to my friends I hear you say? That's a laugh, I didn't have any friends. I was just that girl who had been set upon by her entire form because her 'best friend' decided to spread some rumour around about her (I never found out what it was, but many others came from it, I'll assure you). When I say that everyone hated me, I wouldn't have been lying. My first year of highschool was perhaps the worst time of my life - I'm sure we have all been in the situation, once or twice where, when asked to form a group in class, you were the one left with nobody to go with. The teacher eventually takes pity and places you with someone, but they won't include you. Imagine that but for an entire year, for every situation. P.E, lunchtimes, breaktimes, on the bus... you name it. I was isolated. I tried to make friends, but once that idea of me had been printed into the whole forms head, I was poison.

I couldn't talk about it to my younger sister because I felt that this time was probably the hardest for her, and being guilt tripped into not sharing my problems with those older or equal in age to myself, I couldn't do that to Blythe.

So, all in all, I had an unhappy time and I had nobody to share it with, and even if there had been a listening ear out there, I wasn't able to share things with them. During Highschool once we weren't setted for classes in forms and more mixed up I made different groups of friends, but, so glad to have people who liked me, I'd do anything for them. I'd help them with anything, listen to all their problems. I couldn't stand up for myself, it might have lost me the precious companionship I had been deprived of.

It was sort of around this time I began getting it into my head that
1) everyone had problems
2) everyone else's problems were greater than my own

But helping people talk through their problems instead of them listening to mine was sort of my anti-drug. It made me put my own problems into perspective, made them seem less terrible and also made me forget about them - bury them somewhere deep to never be spoken of. If I could help people solve their own problems it made my problems go away. I guess Highschool taught me a lot of good lessons in how to make a person feel valued, how to actually listen to someone (there is a proper way to listen to someone), how to talk to someone, and how to value friendships and look after people in general. Those are skills I know I still hold today.

I found this thing a few years ago and it said that there are 5 important things you do in conversation that classifies you as a 'good listener':

1) You use the person's name while speaking to them, it lets someone know that you know who they are and it makes them feel more important and special
2) When someone has said something, ask questions on the subject. It lets the person know you have listened and taken in what they have said. Asking someone to clarify what they have just said is a big yes, because to understand a topic or problem people will do this subconsiously to understand the goal together
3) Look at the person when they are speaking to you, but look away when you yourself are speaking
4) Remembering to ask someone about the problem later on in the day, or the next day makes them feel well... remembered.
5) Repeating what someone has just said in your own words, as a verification also lets them know you were listening.

While I was learning this myself, I also became aware of how few other people actually listened. People are selfish, they only like talking about themselves, and you'll find that conversation does not work if someone only ever talks about themselves. Even if they are the type who 'oh no I can't tell you what's wrong' - most of the time it's attention seeking. They will tell you eventually. You can tell a bad listener by the fact that they will -

1) Use the word 'I' a lot.
2) Cut across what you are saying with something that happened to them, or something irrelivant to the conversation, and anecdote about themselves
3) While you are speaking, if they are not listening they will simply go 'mm.... yes...' in the same tone of voice.

I got that a lot while I was talking to people, so in the end, coupled with everything else I simply stopped sharing my feelings, as I realised there was nobody who truly wanted to know how I felt. These days if someone asks me, I will give them a short answer, even if deep inside I'm bursting to tell them how terrible I feel. 'I'm fine' usually indicates I'm happy, whereas 'yeah, I'm ok I guess' probably means I'm not ok and could you please help me talk about my problems. Though I probably wouldn't be able to because sharing my problems with other people, as I said before, makes me feel guilty.

These days however, I seemed to have reached exhaustion point. Not sharing my problems over so long means I'm finding it really difficult to listen to others - if someone simply starts offloading onto me I'll tune off. I've been taken advantage of too many times now and I feel I just can't do it anymore, I seem to be alright if I know I'm going to get something back when I really need it, or if I'm feeling particually happy I can listen to people. But I feel all my good advice and helpfulness just ... not there anymore. As though it's all been sucked dry.

I guess a good analogy of this came from a book I read a while ago that says that women have a sort of psycological 'caring meter'. It's their capacity to be able to help other people. Basically this it how it works

- People doing things to help said woman fill the meter up. The amount the meter is filled up by is exactly the same no matter how big the help was, so it is better to do lots of little good things than do one big good thing. I.e. opening the door for the woman = 1 point, remembering to say thankyou = 1 point. But also buying the woman a house = 1 point. (you get the idea, I've exaggerated here)

- The woman will always help and care for people to the best of her ability, regardless of how full the meter is. Even if the meter goes into 'negative' - she will still continue to use the (now non-existant) points from the meter. However, if the meter is in negative, the woman will begin to become angry and upset at the people who still ask for her help when they are doing nothing to help her back (in extreme cases she will begin to hate these people) but she will never stop helping them.

But I guess I feel so underappreciated I find it hard to help people at all, I mean I will still do, but I find it very hard to. Comes from being taken for granted too much in the past.

I guess this is just turning into ramble now, but basically the point of this post was to clear up a few of the things that go through my head. So all in all I really, really need someone to understand how important it is to me when I feel appreciated, even just a simple thankyou from people makes me so happy. I also need to feel secure and feel that people aren't going to leave me or get cross with me, or but in, or make me feel guilty because I need to share my feelings and problems. Sharing problems is a hard thing for me to do - it does not come easily like it does to so many other people I notice.

So as you thought perhaps at the beginning ''hey! you're welcome to talk to me any time you want - I'll listen! I'm an excellent listener! Why can't you let me be your listener person?" You can, but just understand it's going to take time and probably a hell of a lot of patience. Though the (person) people who read(s) this (is) are wonderful (<3) (yay for non subtle subtext) and I hope I haven't scared them away by all this rubbish, it's taken me a lot of courage and tissues and time to write this all down at stupid o'clock in the morning. So I hope it's helpful, or at the very least, insightful.

I'm going to go to bed now.

Leaks

I actually got the inspiration for today's post while I was travelling to college on the bus. I think about quite a lot on my bus jouney too and from college everyday, possibly why it's one of the few times I'm considered to be 'quiet' - especially in the mornings it irritates me a little bit if someone I know comes and sits next to me and starts regailing all their problems. I consider my journey in the morning to still be 'me' time, and afterwards I feel bad for not being conversational, one because I find it hard to make conversation when I'm still waking up, and two because I feel I really should have made the effort even if I didn't feel like it. Anyway, this isn't what this post was about.

On Friday night as I sat watching Top Gear of the pops (comic relief) in the lounge, stretched out on the sofa. After about ten minutes however, I felt this 'ticking' sensation, but thought nothing of it - it felt as though it was just the leather of the sofa moving about as it does, so I ignored it. Until it became such that I couldn't. So me being me, I looked behind me, the irrational fear popping into my head of 'what if it's a spider struggling to free itself from where I've crushed it?' alright, laugh, but these sorts of stupid thoughts often pop into my head.

But no, I discover as I move, that my back feels cold... and very wet. My only reaction to this is to look upwards, only to receive a large, slightly warm drop smack bang between the eyes. Yuck.

So the ceiling is leaking, and I have no idea where it's coming from. Then my brain begins to work and I puzzle it through something like this...

The water was warm
The bathroom and my bedroom are above the lounge
I remember when Blythe left the sink tap running and it dripping through into the lounge

It's the hot water tank.

So, moving the sofa out of the way of the dripping (a mighty task for a small lass like myself) and retrieving the mop bucket from the kitchen to catch the drops, I run upstairs to investigate. Lo and behold I also discover the reason for that 'damp, hot varnished wood' aroma that I had been smelling as I walked to and from the office all evening. I remember experiencing it once before when the roof leaked all those years ago, and it was slightly worrying, but I hadn't thought anything of it until now. Anyway, inspecting the water tank, I saw that the neutraliser had completely filled to the brim with rusty, manky water, and that the towels we store in there to keep them warm were completely soaked.

By now I was starting to panic. How long had this been going on for? How bad was it? And most importantly How the hell was I supposed to fix it?

As usual, mum was out, so I tried to get hold of her. This made me merely angry at the time, and apologies to all who were on the receiving end of my panic, because when I look back at it now I didn't react well to the fact that even after ringing her mobile no less than five times, and Craig's house number at least four, I realised I wasn't going to get through. Typical - this is after I had been reassured 'if you ever need me, I'm just a phonecall away'. Which as I discovered, is not true. Alright, fair enough I accept that at Craig's house there might be no mobile signal, but to not answer a house phone on the basis that 'it doesn't ring' is just plain pathetic. So there's me, stuck in this house with what has now grown to a steady stream of water running from a crack in the ceiling, my younger sister and nobody else to help me.

I figured there wasn't much else I could do but to protect the room from the wrath of the leak, so scouting out some dry towels, I packed them around the bottom of the tank, draped them over the back of the sofa (to stop the drips from splashing onto it) and around on the carpet. And that was about it. My plan sort of worked because after about twenty minutes, the leak slowed to a steady drip again, but by morning mum had come home and as far as I was concerned it was her problem now.

So Saturday passed uneventfully, she called a 'man' in for sometime this week, while turning the heating up and draining the hot water tank. After a while when the leak stopped, she turned the hot water back on and everything seemed a-ok, or at least I thought it did.

This morning, I wandered bleary eyed downstairs to be greeted by a strange, sloppy splashing noise. Uttering some sort of expletive I peered cautiously into the lounge to discover that the bucket had overflowed. Ok, bad, but not very much so as I wandered in to empty it. Yuck - as I took one step into the room my socks were instantly soaked, and looking around I could see that half the room was a mess of wet carpet, the back of the sofa had 'splash stains' and that the foot rest had left a nice brown skid where the wood colour had leaked into the lovely cream carpet, which had now become a fetching shade of grey. Emptying the bucket, defeated, I did the usual towels trick and told Blythe to phone mum and tell her what happened. I then promptly caught the bus.

I think the moral of the story is that you should never neglect anything. It'll hold for so long, but there's only so much anything, or indeed anyone can take. Read what you will into this.

Music

Don't you think it's strange how your music tastes change? I do, I mean, when I started becoming properly interested in 'music' (well, what most people call music) I almost exclusively listened to the Chillis. But then as my music tastes broadened, and I began discovering new and brilliant bands/artists, I seemed to grow increasingly bored of the music I used to listen to (well, I found I couldn't listen to the Chillis at all basically)

Anyway, the point of this all is, I was a little taken aback to find myself loading up WMP the other day and not changing track when 'on Mercury' came on. I thought 'hey, I remembered how I loved this song... and I still do.' I guess I've come full circle or something - weird huh?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not totally converted back yet, I still can't stand 'Tear' (the whole song makes me feel ill) and well, quite a few on that whole album still. (Don't get me started on the others) but perhaps I can find my fandomness in them again. *shrug*

On another, slightly different track, I also forgot how much I love the Scissor Sisters. =D Perhaps it's time I started listening to the more cheery side of my music collection. (ok, songs about crystal meth aren't exactly cheery, but they're still upbeat nonetheless)

Take Your Mama ftw <3

Crufts

Well, it was a hectic weekend anyway, but retrospectively, I did enjoy actually doing something for once even though I was constantly on the move.Friday night I caught the train(s) down to Malvern to stay with my friend Megan at her dad's house. By the time we got there it was so late we just decided to get chip shop chips and have done (We were really desperate just to eat something!) but they were still tasty.

We also stayed up quite late just talking about stuff, the trip down etc, Megan catching up with the news with her dad. For some reason the rest of the family were out of the house, so I didn't get to meet them, but from Megan's advice I gathered this was a good thing; she doesn't get on too well with her step mum and their kids.Saturday morning we walked their weird little Cavalier thing round a field, and my god, even at 9am it was like a hot July day in Yorkshire. 'Down South' truly is another world, everyone's too civilised, the weather's too nice, the grass is actually green... weird.

Then after that we decided to catch another two trains to get to the NEC and go to crufts. Crufts in itself was a really good day out. What I didn't like was the congestion, the lack of decent eating facilities (You're also not able to get your own food), and the fact that we never got to see the main events in the arena due to the queue's being too long. You'd have thought that with having tickets you could have had some sort of fast track into the place, but for everything you had to queue, and in most places it was very crowded. The whole place was also very poorly signposted. Other than that there was never a shortage of things to do.

We got to watch the showing of Miniature short and long haired daschunds, Irish wolfhounds, Salukis, Afghan hounds and Smooth Fox Terrier groups. And we trailed round stalls, watched demonstrations, saw every breed of dog there is... most people were really nice too and let you take pictures of their dogs. So I have quite a lot of good pictures :)

Results day

The results from our January Exams came today, so for most people that included some AS resits aswell as module 4/5 of their A level subjects, for me, I had three resits, one in chemistry in a hope to get 4 extra marks to boost me to an A and two in physics because well... I was hoping to get better than a C at least. And then I also had Biology, Chemistry and Physics exams, aswell as General Studies, which nobody really cares about (:D)

I didn't really want to be involved in the whole 'so what did you get?' because after the huge downer in the summer, I didn't think I could bear to live through it again (yes, I did not have high expectations of myself)So, for the benefit of everyone here, here are my origional results.

Biology - A
unit 1 - a
unit 2 - a
unit 3 - a

Chemistry - B
unit 1 - b
unit 2 - a
unit 3 - a

Physics - C
unit 1 - c
unit 2 - c
unit 3 - b

Maths - C (and I dropped this one)

so you can kinda guess which ones I resat. :) and these are my results I got this time, including the module 4/5 mark

Biology
module 5 - A

Chemistry
module 1 - a
module 4 - b (bit dissapointed with this one, but I think I just missed the A mark AGAIN)

Physics
module 1 - c (gained a whopping.... 2 marks)
module 2 - A (OMG -HOW- DID I MANAGE AN A?!!3)
module 4 - c ( : I revised so hard for this too. I was 1 mark off a B)

And for General Studies? I got a C. Lol :D

So on some respects, I'm really happy, but on others, not so. The A I got in Biology was a truly terrible A aswell, literally only just scraped (considering I got 95/100 etc last year, 79/90 isn't all that great S: ) but nvm. Physics just... urgh. But I got other really good marks in other things, so if someone asked me how I did, I can honestly say, I really -don't know- : I'm still happy though ^^

Sick

Yup, I've finally got that awful head cold that's been going round college.

When Finn got it I thought 'yup, I'm next' - but hey. (: I woke up at 3am this morning unable to sleep, so I began doing a few jobs and stuff, and then took the last of the painkillers and tried to get some more sleep. What really touched me was the fact that the people at college actually seemed concerned, even when I told them I was ok. Like they actually give a damn about me, it was nice ^^

Though of course you can guess who the person I gave most brownie points to was. Someone does a terribly good job of looking after me when I'm not 100%, and he was still suffering himself! Finn is such a star <3

He's coming round on Sunday too, I'm really looking forward to it, 'cos he's promised that we're going to watch some Stargate :D. I haven't a clue what my reaction's going to be, but since everyone goes on about it so much I guessed it must be something worth watching. And I get to spend some time with him, which always makes any week.

Coursework, and crufts

Yup, it's that time of year again when I'm drowned in work assignments from my subject teachers.

What annoys me is that they have to all set coursework round about the same time, so that I have three lots going on the trot, or one week it's physics the next it's biology and so on. So for this term every week I have some coursework or other to do.I've never really been fond of coursework in all fairness, it's like a huge piece of homework that actually matters if you hand it in or not (not that I ever don't hand in homework you understand, but still). But anyway. It became a life saver last year, otherwise I probably wouldn't have got the grades that I did in some subjects, really a mark booster when your exams didn't go so hot. So I'm busy busy, trying to get it all done and at the same time not being able to bring myself to do it. It's always there at the back of your mind, nagging. Urgh.

--

On other notes, the first week back at college is going ok. I got my final letter from UCAS the other week, saying that I'd gotten all my offers through, so I popped along to the tracking system and firmly accepted my offer from Manchester (Leeds is my backup incase I don't get the grades or whatever). Whoot ^^ - it's nice to get everything sorted on that front, when other people are still waiting to hear, and for once I'm not the one in that position. I can say 'well, I know where I'm going...' next up will probably be the accomodation form, which I don't have any idea but oh well. :D

I don't mind going to do zoology. I can see it leading to a career on it's own, but that isn't really the point, I didn't get into veterinary, but I know I'm still going to love zoology because hey, it's like my forte ;) and perhaps I'll actually learn something new rather than being asked all the time to tell the whole class about metamorphosis or whatever. Funny, but embarassing since my Biology teacher has finally twigged that I'm the swotty/knowitall in the Biology class. Damn ...

On a different subject, I shall be going to Crufts! ^^ A good friend of mine got two tickets for her birthday, and for some reason she thought of asking me along with her (perhaps because we're both such big animal enthusiasts) so yes, we're going on the hounds and terriers day because that's the one she wanted to go too (not so keen on the terriers, but I will get to see LOTS and LOTS of daxies <3) I'm going to try and get her to take a picture of me with a daxie :3 *cuted out* This is on the 10th, and I'm going to have to go back on the 10th too because I have a guitar competition on the Sunday (music for youth I /think/)So that means I'm going to have to sort out next weekend aswell S: I can imagine Blythe still going to Dad's house, but no Dad visiting for me this time, it's not physically possible o_O.

over and out