"Completely fake and full of nothing but bullshit and deceit"

Nice when you know that comments like that are specifically aimed at you, isn't it?

I read that in somebody's MSN status today, and I'm pretty damn certain the only time said person signs into MSN is to talk to me. So that comment was for my benefit.

I'm not naming names, but this will be because I haven't been hanging on the end of the line for this person when they want to talk to me. Yes, I did agree that we ought to meet up and do something but I know what this person is like.

This is the kind of awful friendship that exists between a lad and a lass, and the lad 'wants something more' and the lass doesn't. She won't ever want anything more than for him to be her friend. She's told him this to his face. Twice. The second time she was blissfully single, not in any rush to fall back into a relationship. The first she happened to still be in a relationship. But he still persists. He still invites her over with the pretence that what's going on is everyone included, but instead it's a cleverly engineered situation to get him alone with her. He guilt trips her into staying longer than she really wants to, so late that he insists on walking her home. He invades her personal space almost constantly. He tries to play footsie under the table with her.

If she wanted a relationship, if she was even vaguely attracted to this lad, it might be sweet. Instead it just comes across as stifling and slightly creepy. So instead the friendship becomes unbalanced with him putting in far more effort than is needed and her doing everything in her power to avoid sending out signals that might be misinterpreted as 'leading him on'. She doesn't even feel capable of making eye contact with him most of the time. This is the kind of friendship that people base the whole scenario of 'guys and gals can't just be friends' upon, because it's true - eventually one person always ends up getting hurt. If you cave and decide to date the other person, you're essentially lying to them; you can't generate feelings of affection for somebody just like that. It's going out with somebody because you pity them, because you haven't got the balls to say no. You can't begin a relationship on lies, heaven's knows most relationships generate enough lies throughout their course as it is.

I've told him, he deserves somebody better than me. Because he does; as wonderful as he thinks I am I'm never going to be that person for him; he can love and dote on me all he likes - I wish I did have somebody like that in my life who I loved just as much. I just don't love him in that way. I never will, and I certainly don't currently. But how can I be any more blunt with him without sounding like a complete cow? I tell him these things because I care about him as a friend, I don't want to lead him on but it seems that whatever I do I end up messing things up more.

As you can see - he's clearly not happy with not being able to speak to me for the sum total of seven days. I've not spoken to Karen for about the same length of time, and she's not posting bitchy statuses on msn. I can't deal with the guilt that's piled onto me for not being able to generate affection for somebody, it isn't fair. I struggle to be a good, consistent friend to people at the best of times - but he brings out the worst in me.